You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
