Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
