Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize