You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
