I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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