I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
