New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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