just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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