Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All the doctor said was why
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
