Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
