:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
