did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
