I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
