Your tits are I can't wait for
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
