Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
