he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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