so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
