i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
