I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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