omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
