she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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