my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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