Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
where does the pee come out of this thing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't deserve a penis
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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