Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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