thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
