I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
