its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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