iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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