next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
