Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
