the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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