The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
