I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
