You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
