Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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