margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
