Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
