A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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