Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
