Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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