I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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