i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
