What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
try to milk me bitch
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