Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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