I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize