I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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