I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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