Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i think my cat just said my name.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize