I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
