Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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