did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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