After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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