i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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