I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
