we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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