guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
