Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
