I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize