Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
