Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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