My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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