I heard we made out
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
