I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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