oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
